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Birds giving terrible relationship advice

October 29, 2026 by Kai Pflug No Comments

Birds have evolved an astonishing variety of mating strategies. Few of them are suitable for humans, as these examples of quotes from bird species show.

Common Cuckoo: “Children always strengthen someone else’s relationship.”

Satin Bowerbird: “A flashy house matters more than personality.”

Emperor Penguin: “Standing around in the cold together builds character.”

Magnificent Frigatebird: “A giant red balloon is all the emotional availability anyone needs.”

Oriental Pied Hornbill: “We lock you in for a few months. I’ll provide food.”

Blue Manakin: “Personality is overrated. Look for good dance moves.”

Pheasant-tailed Jacana: “Once he has the eggs, you’re free to start looking for someone better.”

Indian Peafowl: “Make everything about yourself.”

Turkey Vulture: “Take your date somewhere romantic. Preferably somewhere you can smell from miles away.”

Written by Kai Pflug
Kai has lived in Shanghai for 22 years. He only started birding after moving to China, so he is far more familiar with Chinese birds than the ones back in his native Germany. As a birder, he considers himself strictly average and tries to make up for it with photography, which he shares on a separate website. Alas, most of the photos are pretty average as well. He hopes that few clients of his consulting firm—focused on China’s chemical industry—ever find this blog, as it might raise questions about his professional priorities. Much of his time is spent either editing posts for 10,000 Birds or cleaning the litter boxes of his numerous indoor cats. He occasionally considers writing a piece comparing the two activities.