People are apparently cowering in their homes in a small village in England. The cause of their fear? A terrorist pheasant. No, I am not making this up. Perhaps we shouldn’t be closing Guantanamo Bay?
The vicious bird has launched several unprovoked attacks on villagers in recent weeks. Men, women, children, prams, bikes, dogs and cars are said to have have fallen foul of the bird in Newsham, near Richmond, North Yorkshire. There are tales of the plucky cock lying in wait for children to get off the school bus, before chasing them screaming to the village green.
In response to the repeated pheasant attacks Gordon Brown, desperate to do anything to improve his poll numbers, stated:
We shall defend our island from the pheasant, whatever the cost may be, we shall fight the pheasant on the beaches, we shall fight the pheasant on the landing grounds, we shall fight the pheasant in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight the pheasant in the hills; we shall never surrender to the pheasant*
Hopefully, the campaign against the pheasant will end soon enough and everything can return to normal.
*There is no evidence whatsoever that Gordon Brown said any such thing.